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Showing posts with label Poop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poop. Show all posts

Stephen Colbert Pulls to the Front of the Pack in Sailing Regatta – Go Captain Colbert!

Friday Update: As of the 7:00 a.m. update today, Tucana held a 40-mile margin over their rivals on board the other OnDeck Farr 65, Stephen Colbert and his crew on the Spirit of Juno. Tucana seems to be a solid bet to win first-to-finish honors as well as first place in the Racing Division.

Wednesday Update:
With steady southwest winds across this region of the North Atlantic, the competitors in this eighth edition of the Charleston Bermuda Race have been making remarkable progress throughout the afternoon hours yesterday.

As of the 8:00 p.m. position update yesterday evening, the lead boat, Tucana, was 288 miles from Bermuda. Tucana’s closest rivals were Spirit of Juno (with Stephen Colbert on board) and Yanosha. According to the Race Director it’s likely that the first finishers will arrive in Bermuda on Thursday.


Tuesday Update:

As the 11-boat fleet continues to make impressive progress toward Bermuda, two entries have pulled ahead during the wee hours of Sunday night and Monday morning.

Tucana, one of five boats in the race, has led the way since the fleet left Charleston Harbor. As of midnight last night, the boat was sailing in a northeasterly direction at over 10 knots.

But by daybreak, Captain Stephen Colbert and “The Spirit of Juno” crew had come within five miles of the lead vessel.

Go Stephen!

Despite his second-place standing, Colbert, who has vowed to win this race, seemed characteristically jolly based on an e-mail he sent late Sunday night.

Colbert said in his email,

“Dear land-based life forms. Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions.

Spent the afternoon dodging wind holes and watching dolphins play in our bow wake. We’ve also been introducing our English crew to the joys of grits. They are dubious, but too polite to admit they tossed it overboard.

We are on four hour watches and lucky to get three hours’ sleep at a time. Those of you familiar with totalitarian regimes will remember that sleep deprivation is one way that dictators break their enemies.

We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller.

We all smell wonderful.  See you in Bermuda!”

Colbert and his crew have vowed to win the race this year, after a dismal attempt in 2005 where his boat came in last place.

Related: Stephen Colbert admits he pooped in the ocean.

Keep your dial tuned to InfoStar for the latest news and progress of our mighty captain and the U.S.S. Spirit of Juno.

God speed Captain Colbert.

Oh yea, there is a shit-pile of news waiting for you to make funny once you get back to New York.

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Stephen Colbert Admits He Pooped in the Ocean.

Any fan of the Colbert Report with Stephen Colbert knows he likes to try new things.

He has his own flavor of ice cream, he has carried the Olympic torch, he has run for President, he has his own Political Action Committee, and he has a NASA treadmill named after him on the International Space Station.

What has Stephen set his sights on now?

The comedian announced today at the New York Auto Show that he will once again be competing in the biennial 750 Mile Charleston Bermuda Race, this time with the newly formed Team Audi.

Colbert participated in the same race in 2005 and had some problems. He told Outside Magazine,

"I came in dead last last time; I finished four days behind the lead boat. We lost a sail; we didn't have any diesel power so we couldn't charge any of our batteries. Both of our toilets became nonfunctional. That was on day two."

After a brief, uncomfortable moment, Colbert admitted that he had pooped in the ocean. “I sh#t in the sea.”

This year, his boat will have a twelve man crew and a huge picture of Colbert on its sail. It takes off from Charleston Harbor May 21 and plans to arrive four days later in Bermuda.

When asked if he planned to win he said,

"Yes, we hope to do that. Win. I will get a cup and eternal glory. I will make everyone laugh, that's the way to keep from getting scared."

Happy sailing Captain.

Watch Stephen Colbert talk with David Letterman about his last race